It lives in my gut,

20 March 2008

this uneasiness. Not knowing why exactly, or wherefrom. I have delirium in my head again: and she says, yes, change is the word you’re looking for, but then no, oh but yes. It’s exciting and fearsome and lately I have a tendency to milk every chance conversation I get for what it’s worth. It’s like the last few days of summer, where everything is golden, only that it’s not the end of summer, but the reverse. And now it’s as if everything is bathed in early morning light, this transient glow, the kind of light that makes things prettier than they really are. It feels like standing alone on the edge of a white beat-up tugboat, early morning in the middle of the sea, finally seeing the tiny edge of a shoreline after a thousand four hundred and sixty nights. Because we always start and end these trips alone. I’m having trouble breathing… you’re sitting on my chest, sing the Perishers. And these days it’s like being snuffled by invisible memories so good and heartbreaking and wanting to get away to just get it over with and be able to breathe but then also wanting this time to last just, a, little, bit, more. (And if I write too many run-on sentences it’s because I never know how to end things properly.) Welcome to my nostalgia party.


4 Responses to “It lives in my gut,”

  1. bunsybuns said

    I was holding my breath reading through this.

    “change is the word you’re looking for, but then no, oh but yes”

    Yes and No.

  2. happycamper said

    “I was holding my breath reading through this.”
    –haha. Must be all the long sentences. =p

  3. katoons said

    “Remember when you were young, you’d lose yourself?” -Razorlight

    =) It’s nice to read your words again, akin to the excitement of hearing a million coins kissing the wooden floorboards all at once.=)

  4. happycamper said

    awthanks katoonsie!=) it’s just this school-ender business that’s got me all in a funk. =p

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